No Regrets…Find Boldness in the Spirit

Have you ever wanted something so bad…but know that everyone might think you have absolutely lost your mind? Sadly (or not….HA!) that is NOT a foreign experience for me. I have never really considered myself to be gutsy or bold. I am stubborn and bull-headed to a fault. But bold? No. I’m emotional, dramatic, and perhaps a bit shy until you get to know me. But not bold.

However, as I look back on the last 30 years of my life, I see nothing but a string of bold decisions. Does boldness lead to regret? Of course! At least occasionally…however you never really know what can come of anything without taking a leap now and then!

Take my choice of college. I grew up in a small town in Delaware. When I began exploring my options for college, I found myself gravitating towards a small Christian school in Holland, Michigan called Hope College. In high school, I was a good student and a three-season varsity athlete involved in many extracurricular activities. While I would have considered myself a person of faith, my background was Catholic, and a small, private Christian college was not the school most would have expected for me. I had never set foot in the state of Michigan, yet I applied. Not only did I apply, but I put all my eggs in one basket. I didn’t even bother applying to another school. It never dawned on me this was a risky move. People thought I was crazy. But I didn’t care. I knew it was the right move for me. And I’ve never regretted it.

Fast forward a few years. I left college early to become the daytime caretaker of my equally bold 92-year-old grandmother. Since I was with her during the day, I worked at some popular local restaurants and bars by night. I was just your average twenty-something, enjoying life. Then came the tragic events of September 11, 2001. That day changed my life, and I often refer to it as the hardest day to be grateful for. I refer to it that way because of the positive things that came to my life that never would have occurred if it had not been for those tragic events. While military service had never been a consideration for me, I knew I was going to enlist. I went through the entire process and never even told my family until after I had signed on the dotted line. At 25 years old, I enlisted in the U.S. Navy. People thought I was crazy. But I didn’t care. I knew it was the right move for me. And I’ve never regretted it.

The list of “outlandish” live decisions I have made throughout the course of my life goes on and on. I could rattle off a dozen more examples without even thinking hard. Clearly, a pattern emerged in my life. While I know that my decisions have not necessarily always been conventional, I’ve never found them to be outlandish. I don’t even necessarily consider them to be bold. Yet those around me tend to think I’m nuts.

Why? I guess because I am willing to take risks. I will be honest. There have been plenty of times I have questioned my decisions in life. But these big, life-changing decisions? I have never once questioned them. I trusted my gut.

Of course, now I realize it wasn’t my gut at all.

It was the Holy Spirit.

Even in those moments of my life where I was not faithful to God. I was not fostering my relationship with Jesus. I was not immersing myself in scripture. God was still faithful to me.

At the end of the day, while others may not understand it, I stand by my seemingly “crazy” decisions. Because they weren’t mine, they were God’s.

 It saddens me that more people don’t have the guts to trust that small, still voice the Spirit uses to guide us. I know I’m not a maverick or a trend-setter. Honestly, I’m just living my best life and people think I’m crazy. But I don’t care. I know it is the right move for me. And I’ll never regret it.

Praise the Lord!