God-moments

God-moments happen all around us, every day. Even (sometimes especially) when we are not on the best terms with God. We don’t always have the insight to recognize them as God-moments. We might think they are coincidence, an accident, or even dumb luck. The more attuned we are in our relationship with God, the more likely we are to recognize these God-moments when they happen.

Almost a year ago, and before I really began working on mending my own relationship with God, I went on a retreat for veterans and first responders. It was amazing, although one of their main focus’ is to help the participants heal from trauma they experienced through their occupations. While I served a dozen years in the military, and another few as a correctional officer at a maximum security prison, I feel I am a pretty well-adjusted person who is not burdened by my past.

The entire way home, I felt so happy that I had attended the retreat. But I also felt bad that I could have taken the spot away from someone who really needed the recovery. Those two narratives were battling it out in my mind as I drove. Then it hit me.

A God-moment.

It wasn’t a voice, per se…but probably the closest I’ve ever had to that in my life. It was the vivid knowledge that my purpose there was not for me at all. My purpose was to write the stories of some of the people impacted by that organization in an effort to highlight the non-profit itself and help raise money and awareness so they can continue serving those in need. I was to do this in the form of a book, from which all author proceeds would go to the organization.

The following week, I started making calls to try to connect with the founder. He was hesitant, but not a no. I arranged to drive a few hours to meet with him in person. I think he eventually realized I was not a crazy person and that I was passionate about doing this, even after only one event with their organization.

The founder had given me a starting list of about five people to interview in addition to one woman from my own retreat. The goal was to have about a dozen stories total once everything was compiled. Within a few weeks, I conducted my first interview with the woman from my retreat. I knew she had a story, but I had no idea what it entailed.

Whoa.

I was not prepared for everything I heard. At that point, I started freaking out a little (well…. maybe A LOT). I was not prepared for the overwhelming responsibility of hearing what these individuals had experienced and having to bring that to life. I didn’t know if I could do it. Self-doubt reigned supreme.

I started making excuses. I put off scheduling others for interviews. I didn’t finish writing the chapter for the one interview I completed. I was “too busy” all the time. Now, I realize it was all a lie of the enemy. But at the time, I just kept making excuse after excuse. In addition to that, there was one other issue I faced as it related to the non-profit, but I never addressed it or dealt with it. I simply ignored it.

For about eight months after meeting with the founder, completing only one interview, and making excuses, I started to feel God prodding me back towards the book. In the meantime, I had begun repairing my relationship with Him. He started working on my heart and mind, reminding me that the book was HIS project. Not mine. I didn’t need to take responsibility for the words because He would provide that to me.

Wow! What a relief….

As I started reframing my perspective with that in mind, there was still that one unnamed issue. Out of the blue, it resolved itself. Without question, this was God’s way of saying to me, “You’re out of excuses. Now get on with it.”

While not nearly as dramatic, this string of God-moments was as real to me as Saul of Tarsus’ God-moment on the road to Damascus. I was not literally blinded, as he was. But the doubts I faced left me emotionally and spiritually blinded. When God stripped that blindness away, what a relief! Can you imagine the 180 degree turnaround that was in Saul/Paul’s life? Going from being the primary persecutor of those who followed Jesus to being one of the most prolific authors of God’s Word?

God uses those God-moments in all of our lives: believers or not, close with him or far away. The Holy Spirit has a way of telling us to trust our gut and is often that “small, still voice” we hear in our heart.